4:57 AM. I’m wide awake. Today I’m writing my blog. Waiting until the last minute is my typical pattern. Today is different. I search for answers and understanding. Our country’s racial wounds are on my mind as thousands take to the streets to protest. My heart is broken by all the pain I see.
How do I speak in the midst of so much chaos.
Journaling is often how I find myself. It opens doors to my inner world. ‘Write it down” is printed across my new journal. But what do I write with so much buzzing around me and inside of me?
I know you will forgive me for not having answers. That’s good because I do not have answers. But I will not forgive myself if I am not authentic
I wrestle with words to discover my truth.
What can I do? This is a time for action. Nothing seems like enough. Yet any step is enough, if it’s a moves us towards wholeness and love. I know that is the right direction.
I take small steps.
We haven’t been in public in the last two months. So I won’t march. At age seventy-six, we are being cautious because of the virus. I can donate. So, we donate to the United Negro College Fund. We do it in memory of George Floyd. I know education changes hearts and opens minds.
Other steps of wholeness: I am planting a small garden, cooking a lot of healthy food. Spending hours each day creating with clay. I meditate to to stay in my heart. Enjoying daily walks with Don and more shared time with him. I also signed up for Facebook Page called “What is mine to do now?” It has enlightening observations and suggests actions to take.
This message from the Talmud, a book of Hebrew instructions, is helpful. “Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly now. Love mercy now. Walk humbly now. You are not obligated to complete the work but neither are you free to abandon it.”
I cannot let the world’s grief or mine stop me. I cannot expect to complete the healing of the world’s wounds that are so clear now.
I can take little steps toward wholeness and love. Each of us can do that.
That is my truth.