Spinning. Wobbly. Uncertain. The world feels chaotic. Chatting with others confirms that they also feel this way. Politics. Wars. Environment. Looking “out there” fills us with concerns. Worries are compounded by the realization that many situations are out of our control.


On a personal level, our community of friends lost yet another tenderhearted man. He was a loving husband, father and grandfather. A youngish man with more than a decade less of years than I have.


Tough days have filled recent weeks.


I want to shift my energy, not to deny my concerns but to stand in clarity. The gift we can give each other and ourselves is to be at ease. Anxiety is contagious and so is calmness. Honestly, peacefulness is eluding me.  I am still doing my practices: working in my garden, journaling, meditating, nature walks, and doing HeartMath. My usual pathways to stillness.


Yet, unease is with me.


The idea of centering comes to mind.


Can I find a clever and caring bit of advice for both you and me? But all my knowledge seems flimsy. Rather than offering a technique, I offer my truth. Sometimes we experience being off balance.  Try as we might to change our inner state of being, we can not. 


Telling you the truth takes the pressure off of me.


Today, I am not an example of tranquility. I will not offer bullet points on how to become centered. Today I am an example of being off center, noticing it, admitting it and being with it.  Some days that is the best we can do.


Now I sit in the garden after failed attempts to finish my blog. My journal lays on my lap. I pick up my pen and write…


Sky blue.

Climbing hydrangea is lime green.

Puffs of air move locust leaves.


An occasional bird song.

Scent of flowers rides on the breeze.

A soft cushion holds my back.


In these moments, this is what I have. This is what I have to offer.


A favorite Rumí quote now comes to mind,  “Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment.”


Rumí was a 13th-century Persian poet whose words are full of wisdom.  He says to struggle with uncertainty. Drop your cleverness.  Be confused. This is where we will find deeper truths. His words soothe me. They carry me away from quick answers and polished responses. There is something at the edge of my awareness that reaches for me. It is not found in glib pronouncements. Deeper truths are wrapped inside of bewilderment.


My wish for you…

May you find peace.

But not too soon. 

First may you rest into bewilderment.


Photo Credit: My Garden by Me