Watching Souls

Dark stillness encourages problems to expand until they fill the emptiness of night. It’s 2:32 AM. I’m tossing and turning. Twisted covers lay at my feet. Anxieties about my children, grandchildren, Don, or a friend vex me. Sunshine will dissipate some of my worries, but for now I can’t shake them. I’m concerned about a challenge someone I care for faces. Something that has the potential to change life as they know it has landed on their doorstep.

I pray. Say my mantra. Feel helpless. Do HeartMath. I want to save them. I want to ease their pain. If I remember that each of us is on a soul journey I begin to feel some relief. The object of tonight’s concern is more than my child, or grandchild, husband or friend. They are souls engaging with life. Realizing this helps me and eventually I fall asleep.

Avoiding change and upset is our personality’s goal. Deep engagement with life is what our soul desires. That part of us is willing to toss away a comfortable life for living authentically. Failure from the soul’s perspective is not being true to oneself. If that means walking away from a successful career, giving up a lavish lifestyle, or a long marriage, so be it. Soul success is living in harmony with the beat of our own heart.

Soul cannot be defined by what we do or even our family connections. I am a social worker, author, guide to women’s growth, daughter, wife, mother, grandmother, etc. Soul descriptions are statements that reflect our essence. They reflect the essence of who we are. And that brings me to this question:

Who are you?

It’s a simple question but difficult to answer. What if you could not use any of your job descriptions to define who you are? What would you say? What if you could not use any of the roles you play like, artist, doctor, daughter, yoga teacher, sales professional, or wife… what if all of that was wiped away? Then what would you say?

Working to trust our soul’s journey, mine and theirs, isn’t easy. I want to save loved ones from pain and struggle. But often what they are experiencing are birth pains to a new life. Sure I will help them in any way that I can to ease their discomfort. I will also listen for their soul. There is something stronger than personality that longs for expression. Remembering that we are all sojourning souls takes practice. It means shifting how I see others and myself. Below is my attempt to describe how I am being in the world. Self study for decades leads me to say I am still a mystery, even to myself. For the more we uncover who we are the deeper the mystery.

I Am She Who…
…loves her family.
…likes to be in charge.
…grows and faces fear.
…smiles at strangers
…wants to please
…finds herself in silence

Now I Dare You…
Create your own list.
I Am She Who…